Later, as a lightweight and a regular at the old Olympic Auditorium in Los Angeles, I understood how on a nine bout card you could see fourteen fights. Four of them were in the stands and you just hoped the one in the parking lot didn’t involve you or your car .
A few years later, as a middleweight, I attended my first Las Vegas mega-fight extravaganza, sitting in the nose-bleed section of the MGM Grand, but the seats were anything but cheap.
Now on the up side of two-hundred pounds and the down side of fifty years old, I rely on cable TV channels and the occasional pay-per-view jacking to slake my thirst for the most brutal of all sports.
Being a big boy myself, I feel a special bond with the Heavies.
I know how good it feels to be able to drink an ice cold beer after a workout at the gym and not have to purge myself. And I’ve come to grips with the fact that XXXL isn’t a number, it’s a size. I think it takes one to know one, and outside of the neighborhood tavern or a Barcalounger recliner, where else can a blue collar guy spew out his two-cents on the current crop of heavy-bags out there?
In just one sentence or less, this is what I think of:
WLADIMIR KLITSCHKO: For a guy to have the skills that Dr. Steelhammer possesses, and still get knocked out by Lamon Brewster, Corrie Sanders, and Ross Puritty, there’s got to be a stamp somewhere on his chin that says "MADE IN CHINA".
SAMUEL PETER: Peter looks more like Frankenstein in the ring than The Nigerian Nightmare, but I guess come to think of it, Frankenstein was a pretty tough dude.
RUSLAN CHAGAEV: I used to think the Uzbekistanian had some potential, but after stepping up in class, he fights more like he took up Boxing as a second job.
ALEXANDER POVETKIN: Only 15 pro fights and already looks like he could clean out the division.
NICOLAY VALUEV: The reincarnation of Primo Carnera.
SULTAN IBRAGIMOV: See Ruslan Chagaev and change Uzbekistanian to Russian.
OLEG MASKAEV: Even a Timex couldn’t take many more lickings.
TONY THOMPSON: Not a bad southpaw, but eats straight rights like they’ve got sugar on them.
JOHN RUIZ: This guy is harder to get rid of than a bad staff infection.
VLADIMIR VIRCHIS: The Hunter had better start looking for bigger game soon, or tomato cans are going to become extinct.
JUAN CARLOS GOMEZ: Sorry, I just can’t forgive him for that first round TKO at the hands of the dreaded Yanqi Diaz.
ALEXANDER DIMITRENKO: He could at least step it up from cream puffs to tomato cans.
LAMON BREWSTER: My TMJ flairs up every time I watch him fight.
CALVIN BROCK: Fighters have got to be tough, they can’t be fighting like they don’t want to get their hands dirty.
CHRIS ARREOLA: Wouldn’t it be great if the guy who’s obviously the most fun to watch, turned out to be the real deal.
TYE FIELDS: This big corn-fed ex NCAA basketball player will eventually be led to slaughter.
EDDIE CHAMBERS: Lets give him one more chance, after all, he lost just once, and that was to maybe the best guy in the division.
DAVID TUA: The Tuaman is still around, and only 35 years old. Couldn’t we at least see him in against Sam Peter just once before he goes.
CHAZZ WITHERSPOON: Great, all we need now is the son of one of the Heavyweight champs that were ruling the roost the last time the division stunk this bad.
DAVID HAYE: You sure can’t fault a fighter that comes to fight, but can he carry that punch, up to Heavyweight without losing what whiskers he had at Cruiserweight.
That’s twenty deep in the current Heavyweight division and not a Tyson, or a Dempsey in site.
It isn’t like we need a top ten like we had when Ali ruled the throne. We just need one guy, like a Holmes or a Louis to start getting busy kicking some ass and clean up this mess.
Lets enroll Sam Peter in a yoga class, take the Oreos away from Chris Arreola, or just keep feeding Alexander Povetkin the raw meat, and maybe then we’ll be getting somewhere.
Fat guys have an opinion too, you know
